Privacy Jokes

A colleague of mine in Mercer has provided me with the best introduction ever: on calls with colleagues who haven’t spoke to me before, he introduces me as “our privacy officer, Constantine Karbaliotis … the biggest name in privacy.” And few can actually use this joke as well as me.

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I have decided to devote a page to privacy jokes, to ensure that privacy professionals have a ready source of jokes for their talks and presentations. I am quite proud to say that, despite what my detractors may say, this is happening. Terry McQuay informed me that he attended a conference in London in April 2013 and my winning joke (see below) was quoted! So there.

Also some passed on to me  a very good joke; [updated] the joke source, to give full credit, seems to be the Polish Inspector General for Personal Data.

Q. What are guinea pigs like Safe Harbor?

A. Guinea pigs are neither from Guinea nor are they pigs.

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Access Privacy Crack-a-Privacy Joke Contest

This requires an introduction: May 2011, I was supposed to go to a conference offered by Access Privacy  – but I was called to meetings in the US. Access Privacy was however conducting a privacy joke contest, so naturally I entered a bunch of jokes.

I won! Of course, none of my friends thought at first I was serious, because for some reason, they think my humour is corny. My wife’s reaction was “Who decided these were the best jokes?” I told her privacy officers and lawyers, and Helen’s response was “Well, that figures – look at the audience.”

The best part of all was that I won an iPad. This of course drove everyone I know nuts, so the mere act of winning was by itself a huge prize for me because of the ongoing annoyance everyone seemed to be suffering at the thought of my winning a joke contest. Now, I had bought an iPad of my own for my 50th birthday not long before, so I decided to give this iPad to my wife. The kind folks at Access Privacy cooperated with the next phase of this saga – I asked them to engrave it for her. My wife’s reaction was priceless when she said the engraving: it read “For Helen – See, I am funny.”

So now, I have evidence I am funny – and a constant reminder for my beloved that I am. If you have any you’d like to share, please do!

Now, the jokes:

Why is a breach worse with the privacy officer than the information security officer? The information security officer will kill you, but the privacy officer makes you fill out forms first.

Did you hear the Privacy Commissioner took down a bunch of websites for collecting too much information? That’s the way the cookie crumbles.

Q. How many privacy consultants does it take to change a light bulb?
A. How many can you afford?

Q. How many privacy professionals does it take to change a light bulb?
A. One, as long as there’s consent.

Q. How many privacy professionals does it take to change a light bulb?
A. The receipt of your response to this joke will be used in accordance with this Privacy Statement, and will be stored in a log file forever. A cookie will be placed in your mouth upon its opening as you cannot reject it. All information relating to your response will be shared with anyone who comes along. You are given the choice to unsubscribe to this joke, but we’ll remember that too.

Q. How many privacy officers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Two. One to get a bulb and the other to call a privacy consultant to
actually change the thing.

Q. How many privacy officers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. One, as long as s/he has two privacy consultants to conduct a privacy
impact assessment

And the winning joke:

Q. How many privacy consultants does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Don’t know. We never get past the privacy impact assessment.

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